I was thinking about my journey through cancer today, and remembered this blog. I read through a few entries and skipped to the end. That's when I realized I never really finished. If someone were to stumble upon this story, they might assume the worst, so I figured I'd give an update.
The reason I stopped blogging was simply that I had nothing to say. I ended up going through five rounds of chemo. After each, I felt more distant and less human. There was the obvious physical battle, but there were also emotional and spiritual battles waging. Not that I was being more emotional or spiritual. I wasn't. In fact, I felt less and less with each round. It's a strange thing to hold onto belief in God and His plan, yet feel nothing. I read the Bible, and for the only time in my life, it's words seemed to have no meaning. I would put on worship music in hopes that God would wake me from my zombie-like trance. He didn't. Not for a while, anyway. I just laid there for months. Nothing.
Then, after the fifth round of chemo, i was told told the CAT scan showed significant progress. I was scheduled for one more round, but my doctor(God bless her) said I could skip it and move onto radiation. Surprisingly, it was very easy for me. It was like getting an X-ray, except it took longer and the hair on my leg still doesn't quite grow right. For some people, radiation is extremely difficult. This is largely attributed to the location of the targeted area. Many cancers grow close to, or in organs. This makes radiation very difficult on the patient. Since my tumor was in my femur, I had no problems.
After radiation, the cancer was completely gone. Dr. Harroff told me that if it doesn't come back soon, it is unlikely to come back at all, and here I am. Almost seven years later. No cancer!
Looking back, I've developed a thankfulness for the most difficult time of my life. I see how God used it to put me where He wanted me. A place I would not have wondered into on my own.
After I was physically well, I tried to act normal, even though I was still an emotional/spiritual zombie. I now understand what it means to be "spiritually dry." Nevertheless, I went back to work and decided to volunteer at church. I love to play guitar, so that's what I did. I learned some new songs, went to practice, and played on a Sunday morning. That first Sunday, it happened. Maybe, two or three songs in, it was like God gave me everything I was missing in an instant. He was with me. Of course, He had always been there but now I felt Him. I was full of life, full of Him. I learned, that day, just how important my faith was. Doing what we know is right. Serving in spite of what we feel. He is just as much in that as He is in the peace and joy that He generously gives. If we always felt like serving Him, it wouldn't require much faith.
To make a long story short, I went from guitar player to Youth Worship Leader to Worship Leader to Interim Pastor to Lead Pastor. I've now been pastoring Community Bible Church in Boerne, TX for almost two years. There's no way I would be doing this if it wasn't for my battle with cancer. I thank God for it. To tell the whole story would require a book. It's been an amazing adventure and I know there's more to come.
Almost seven years ago, I gave this blog the title- The Transit Elect. It refers to our way, our path, being laid out by God. The chosen way. It has proven to be a fitting title. Thanks for reading.