Round 2

The 2nd round of chemo has gone better, but it's still not easy. I was fine for the first few days, but on Sunday night that changed. I was sick all night. We were getting ready to go back to the hospital again and I improved a bit. Well, I wasn't throwing up. It's Thursday now and I'm pretty much in bed all day. This is still better than the 1st round. Hopefully my condition improves again next round.

Being sick for so long can really take it's toll. Optimism fades, faith is shaken. I get quite discouraged at times. I worry about the future. What will I do when I've recovered from this? I miss my kids that are in California. It's one thing to think about these things and have faith in God's plan at the moment. It's a whole new thing to lay sick in bed enduring cancer for months and still say "God, your will be done."

Bad Reaction

This has been a very tough week. I had a port put in on Tuesday and started chemo on Wednesday. My body didn't respond well. Because of this, I had to continue the treatment on Thursday. I felt fine for a few hours after chemo. Then it started. I'll spare some details. I'll just say that I couldn't keep anything down for 3 days. I went to the hospital to get some fluids on Friday morning and was admitted Sunday morning. It's Monday night now and I just had my first real meal since Thursday. It was incredibly good. Turkey dinner. I'm still in the hospital, but I should be going home tomorrow. This is really not normal for chemo patients. It's been a rough few days, but hopefully the next round will go better. Thank you for all of the prayers.

The Plan

After more testing, I had another visit with Dr. Kwak. We finally got a definitive diagnosis. This was delayed a bit, because they originally thought that I had sarcoma(bone cancer). All of the testing was geared toward that. After the biopsy, which showed I have lymphoma, they had to do a whole new series of tests. One of these tests was a whole body PET scan. This would show if any of my lymph nodes, or anything else, had a problem. Thankfully there were no other issues in my body. So, the diagnosis is "stage 1 Diffuse Large B-cell Lymphoma". Next step- chemo.

I want to make sure that I'm being productive while this is going on, but I also have to keep the stress level down. Because I've had a growing desire to become a worship pastor, I'm focusing in on that. Here's the plan: Online Bible college and learn a song a week. This should be a great addition to the experience that I have. So, if anyone needs a fill-in worship leader in the San Antonio area in the next six months let me know!

Break Out the Razor

So, this week I met with Dr. Kwak(pronounced with an "aw"). As it turns out, he is the head of the lymphoma department. I got the best Dr. at the best cancer center there is. He ordered a few more tests. It seems they get worse as I go.
The first test was a pelvis/abdomen/head/neck CT scan. They made me drink two huge bottles of some nasty stuff, gave me an IV and did something else that I will spare you the details of. That had me feeling pretty sick for a while.
The next mornig was my bone marrow biopsy. Luckily, I was sedated for this one. I won't lie. It was pretty nice. They took two toothpick sized marrow samples from the back of each of my hips. I'm still pretty sore from that one. They also did a heart scan.
Dr. Kwak also informed me that I'm looking at about six months of chemo and radiation after that. Once the hair starts to go I'll need some hat advice. Maybe I'll have a poll. What I won't do is try to hang on to what little hair is left once it starts to go.
The only spiritual thought that I'm having is that we all need to remember what a personal God we serve. He desires to be close to us and give of Himself. That's what love does-give. That's why he created us- to give His love to us.

What a Kwak...

Some pretty amazing things have been happening for me recently. Since I have Lymphoma, I probably won't need surgery. This was a huge relief. For the first time in months I am able to walk without crutches with minimal pain. There really is no explanation for this outside of all of the prayers so many of you have given. My calloused hands and left leg are very grateful.

One thing that I ask you keep in your prayer are our kids that we left in Sacramento. Even though it has gone as smoothly as possible, this has been the most difficult part of the whole process.

Because they originally thought I had sarcoma, I was assigned to a sarcoma doctor, Dr. Moon. We thought "Moon" was kind of funny. That is, until I was assigned to my lymphoma doctor, Dr. Kwak. We have already had some great responses to that. The best so far was Billie Dean with something like "MD Anderson promised the moon and gave you a quack!".

The rest of this has nothing to do with my cancer- just something that I've been pondering.

This may be something that many find elementary, but I believe it to continue to be a problem with Christianity today. I've been reading a series of allegorical novels that explore the way Christians view non Christians and vice versa. I'll make my statement and wait for comments. (If you want to comment and can't sign in here, you can find me on facebook. That's where most of my comments are given). Keep in mind that there are Christians and non-Christians that read this blog.

There are a lot of good people and a lot of bad people in the world. Being a Christian only affects the way that we believe we should behave. Simply being a Christian doesn't make us good, it makes us forgiven. We shouldn't view non-Christians as bad, but simply not forgiven. We have all sinned and we all need forgiveness from God.

Lymphoma it is.

Doc called this morning and said that they got the 1st biopsy back and it is lymphoma. They don't know yet if it is Hodgkin's or not. Guess I'm an old man. I wonder if it has anything to do with all of that fast food and energy drinks.......

This truly is a great answer to all of the prayers that so many of you have faithfully given. I still have a rough road ahead, but probably no surgery. God is good.

Results......Sort of.

We got a call from the Physician's Assistant today. They are still waiting on biopsy results, but they have reviewed all of the other tests that I've taken. The best news is that they did not find cancer anywhere else in my body. That was one of our biggest concerns. So, that rules out Osteosarcoma. The two most likely etiologies left are Ewing's Sarcoma and Lymphoma.

The strange thing about this is that I'm not a very likely candidate for either of these types of cancer. Ewing's Sarcoma is generally found in teenagers. Lymphoma is more common in older people. You would think that I'd be pulling for the teenager's disease, right? Uh, not so fast. Lymphoma is treated much more easily (usually radiation and possibly a bit of chemo). Ewing's would probably require chemo, surgery, more chemo. Survival rate is much better with Lymphoma, also. How am I supposed to feel about this. Is it better to have a bad teenager's disease or a not-as-bad old person's disease? (Insert irony liberally.)

Anyway..........I've been told by several people that my blog has been inspiring to them. I know, this one is not quite as inspiring, but I want to know how my blogs have inspired people. It doesn't have to be directly by me. It could be from someone else's comment. I'm not looking for warm fuzzy feeling, but maybe something that you've done or something that you see differently. Comments, please!

The Biopsy

So, today was my biopsy. It wasn't too bad, but I wouldn't want to do it again. I was semi- conscious for the procedure, which was guided by an MRI. This enabled them to be extremely precise. I slept for a lot of it, but I was awakened occasionally. Sometimes it was by my own snoring, sometimes by moving in or out of the MRI, sometimes it was because the anesthetic was wearing off(they gave me that painful shot 3 times), and a couple of times I was awakened by the doc hammering her needle into the bone(yes, hammering). I was definitely awake when they had to move me to take the stuck needle out with pliers. Overall, it was a pretty cool experience. They will have to dissolve the sample taken from my bone, so it take a few days to get the results.

I am getting a lot of compliments on my attitude as I go through this, but there are reasons for this that need to be explained. 1. I haven't even started the hard part, yet. I'll be needing plenty of encouragement in the months to come. 2. My wife has taken it all like champ. Oh, she has her moments, but I'd be a wreck if she wasn't taking care of me the way she is. I love you, darling. 3. My family has stepped up. My family in California made sure we got packed and moved in 2 days. It was amazing. My family in Texas is taking care of us and getting me all of my appointments. 4. My church family has been so giving and prayerful. Just to see the church be what God wants it to be is all of the encouragement I could ask for. The impact of the church's love has spread beyond my family. The world needs to see it.
I think that many more people would have a great attitude if the church was doing what it was supposed to. Remember, there are hurting people all around you. "Preach the gospel at all times, when necessary use words." -St Francis of Assisi. *This doesn't mean "don't use words". It means that Godly actions should precede your words.

Good Hearts

Testing is done for this week. No new info. My next appointment will be next Wed. and Thurs. for a biopsy.

I have had some very interesting comments. Suzanne said in her comment that she had given up getting her nails done so that she could do a little something for a person in need. We should all take that as a challenge. What can we give up? Who can we help?

Another message that I got from Lance Abate was really good, too. He reminded me of the miracles that happen everyday and how easy it is to take them for granted. Life itself is an amazing miracle. Lance notices this even though his family has been through some rough times. If anyone is deserving of a miraculous healing it is the Abate family. So, why isn't there bitterness there? I would guess that being missionaries to a foreign country has a lot to do with it. They put their lives in God's hands long ago.

I'll try to make my point clearer by using an even more extreme example; martyrs. At what point does a martyr give up their life. When the stones start flying? Or when the guillotine drops? To them that is simply the point that they leave their temporal body. Their life was given up long before their physical death.

How do we apply this? It can be hard to submit everything to God. I think it all starts with something simple. Hand it over one thing at a time, if you have to. Think about the eternal value of what you have vs. what you trade it for. Such as, a manicure vs. showing God's love by buying someone groceries. It could get very addicting. "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2. (A friend posted this verse on Facebook today. Very fitting.)

testing..........testing...........

This week I met with my doctor and have had several tests. Doctor Moon agrees that bone sarcoma is very likely, but he also thinks that lymphoma is very probable. That would be great, because it would not require surgery. He also said that there is a very small chance that this is just a bone infection. Whatever it is, he said that it looks very aggressive. Since yesterday I've had blood work, chest x-rays, leg x-rays, and a CT scan. Tomorrow I get a whole body bone scan and another MRI. Still waiting on a biopsy appointment. If I stayed in California I still wouldn't have seen an oncologist, yet. Actually today would have been an appointment with a family physician. Who knows how long it would have taken to get as far as I have here.

I am extremely thankful for all of the people that are praying for me. Please remember to include my wife and kids in your prayers, also. I think this is harder on them than it is on me. I've done a lot of thinking about miraculous healing. Why don't we see more miracles? I touched on it a bit in my first blog, but I want some feedback about this. Maybe people don't get healed because God is giving the church a chance to show His love. I don't think that miracles have the same impact on our society that they used to, but love.......God's love always has an impact. To many in America, the church is the enemy. They don't trust us. Unfortunately, many have good reason. They don't need to hear about how God healed someone that they don't even know. They need to see love and be loved. This is a great time for the church to reach out and reshape it's image. The church is full of single mothers, widows, elderly, poor, sick, and hurting people. When you finish praying- get up and be someone's answer to prayer.

#1

So......this is my first blog. Hopefully, the first of many to come. The primary reason for this blog is to get first hand information about my battle with cancer to everyone who wants it. I plan to start each blog with a quick medical update and then share my thoughts.

Out of the 4 doctors that have read my MRI, all 4 say I have bone sarcoma. I am in a lot of pain, but thank the Lord for vicodin. I will be at MD Anderson on Tuesday for more testing. I cannot be officially diagnosed until they do a biopsy and put a sample under a microscope.

The amount of prayers and support that we have received has been overwhelming. There are people all over the world praying for me. It's quite humbling. I have not had to ask God "Why?", "Why am I going through this?", "Why haven't you healed me?". That may happen at some point, but His purpose has already shown itself to be greater than what is happening to me. I've seen healing in a family that was divided and bitter. I've seen calloused hearts softened by the sight of the church reaching out to my family. Through my sickness, God is spreading His love and showing His goodness. There is no greater honor than to suffer for the gospel of Jesus. Please pray that He would keep my eyes in Him and continue to use me in this way.